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3 June 1913

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BY R. W. LARDNER
.
OPENING CHORUS.

Good-by, everybody; good-by, Jimmy Cal;
Good-by, William Gleason; good-by, Doc, old pal;
Sully, Matty, Harry, and Morrie, good-by, good-by.
Sure I hope you all will feel sorry the same as I.
Good-by, good old Edward; good-by, little Ray;
Good-by, all you White Sox--I quit gadding today.

[Encore]

Good-by, Johnny Evers; good-by, Lurid Lew;
Good-by, Charley Williams; good-by, Lower Two;
Schulte, Heine, Jimmy, and Larry, good-by, good-by.
P’rhaps you’ll look me up when you tarry awhile in Chi.
Good-by, clams and swordfish; good-by, Gay White Way;
Good-by, joys of Brooklyn--I quit gadding today.

***

Foreword.

  This department will be open to the public. We offer encouragement and hope to those sorrowful ones who have failed to make the Line. You have found it impossible to butt in there. You will find it next to impossible not to do so here.
  You will be associated in this column with writers like Frank (Ping) Bodie, Jacques Fournier, Fred Toney, and Heine Zimmerman, who have been engaged (without their consent or Ban Johnson’s) to divulge some of the secrets of inside baseball, the tricks of the trade unknown to the general public, and, in some cases, to themselves.

***

  The ed. of this col. gives up association with the two Chicago ball clubs more cheerfully owing to the release of S. J. T. Sheckard and R. Zeider, who provided at least 50 per cent of the joys of traveling.

***

  When the Athletics had gained a lead of seven or eight runs in their game with the Yanks, Connie Mack substituted youngsters for Bender, Oldring, and Baker. These three must not be worn out before the world’s series.

***

  But for the Calgary tragedy, the world might never have known that there were 5,000 people in Piqua, O.

***

  Mr. Roush is no better nor worse than his team. His average is about .400. So is Evansville’s.

***

HAIL AND FAREWELL.

We welcome the party named Chase,
Who can certainly cover first base,
Agreeing with Cal
That he’ll help us like Hal,
If he plays at his rapidest pace.

But ‘twould be the acme of folly
To say that we won’t miss our Rollie;
And Babe Borton. you,
We hate to lose, too.
But we’re glad that Chance got you, b’golly.

***

  Yesterday’s Chicago weather must have made an immense hit with our local major league magnates.

***

  The averages show that Buck Weaver, batting left handed most of the time, has compiled an average of .293. But since the Maroons won the conference baseball title, we have resolved not to be surprised at anything.

***

  That even ball players are not without feeling was shown when Pitcher C. Smith asked for his unconditional release from the Reds.

***

  Is there no way in which we can force Messrs. Dematest and Sutton to stage their matches with Hoppe before autumn? Or must we remain in suspense all summer?

***

  While the fans are discussing the Sox-Yanks trade from various view-points, let us not forget that one person is tickled to death over it. His surname begins with Z and he has a long nose.

***

  Mr. Lucky is first baseman for the Ętnas. He has plenty of company in baseball, but the majority of his contemporaries aren’t as frank.

***

WHO?

Since Carpentier punched Bombardier
And jarred his every vital,
He’s European champ, they say,
But who now owns (we’re o to k)
The South Sea Islands title?

***

  Mr. Paynter of the local Feds deserves a medal of the sort worn by L. Cheney and E. Walsh. It’s an off day in the schedule when he doesn’t pitch an inning or two.

***

  There is hope for Matty McCue. Jim Corbett says he is far from being a contender for the championship.

***

  We are advised by our family physician not to do too much the first day. The boss might expect too much the second.

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