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4 June 1913

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BY R. W. LARDNER
.
THE EASIEST WAY.

"The pennant is ours," said Comiskey,
When the deal was completed for Chase.
"In a very short while,"
He remarked with a smile,
"The Sox will be leading the race."

"Now, if it’s the pennant you’re after,"
Said we, in a manner quite frank,
"Here’s the dope--’ ke our tip--
Hire a Lefty or Gyp,
And sic him on Bender and Plank (also
E. Murphy, Oldring, Collins, Baker,
McInnis, Strunk, Barry, Thomas
and Lapp)."

***

  "I well remember how I broke into the game as a manager. I was a newspoaper writer at the time and I was only 20. Things were going badly at Indianapolis and the owners decided to change their manager. They wired to three men high in baseball, one in New York and two in Philadelphia, asking for them to recommend some one for the place. Oddly enough, they all recommended me. I never knew how they happened to do so, and I believe it was wholly accidental." --Horace Fogel in the Baseball Magazine.
  Elemental, Horace. The three were practical jokers.

***

  We know not for what title the American Giants and Plutos are battling, but it is very evident that the boys from French Lick don’t know when they are licked.

***

  If we were all Edward Payson Westons there would be no argument about the site of the new terminal. Mr. Weston wants to be in Minneapolis on a certain date. Therefore he buys himself a new pair of shoes.

***

  Et tu, Muscatine? Then fall Lavender.

***

  The alumni of Kelo university and the members of the Leland Stanford ball team are evidently unaware of the slight difference of opinion existing between California and Japan.

***

TO A. A. S.

All right, Mister Stagg, if you like, stay away
From the meets that are scheduled for next
     Saturday,
But do not forget to be back on the ground
When it’s time to start booting the pigskin*
     around.

__

  *Kicking the football.

***

  Why should Muscatine kick? It isn’t every town that has a chance to see Tom Needham in action.

***

  Discovered in the person of Jack Dillon: the old fashioned fighter who fights for a living. Looking over Frank’s program for this month and next, everybody must admit that Dillon is willin’!

***

  The teams below third place in the National league standing had better be prepared to dodge the Dodgers.

***

  If we had the time, we’d enter that competition of the Windsor Golf club’s for the Good Fellowship trophy. At least, no one would be afraid to play us.

***

  Walter doesn’t think much of the class of conference track athletes when he picks California, which finished seventh at Philadelphia, to win the Madison meet.

***

  We don’t blame Mr. Navin for being peeved over that Cobb-Chase trade story. The originator must have had a high regard for the intelligence of the Detroit magnate, to say nothing of Frank Chance’s brains.

***

BASERUNNING
[BY PING BODIE]
[Mr. Bodie writes exclusively, and very seldom, for the Wake.]

  One of the most important features of baseball is running the bases. Some players lack the requisite speed, and these will find that rolling or crawling on hands and knees is more effective. When I started in baseball it was my ambition to be a baserunner. It still is. To steal a base is one of the hardest things a ball player is asked to do. It’s more than hard--it’s impossible.

***

  What will happen to the home run records of Buck Freeman and Frank Schulte if some one doesn’t put arsenic in Frank Baker’s prunes?

***

  Ban Johnson probably figures that there wouldn’t be room for a schedule or a piece of news on a page so thickly inhabited by "colyums."

***

  Referring to the Athletics, Hugh Jennings said: "With the sort of pitching they have had lately anybody could beat them." Come on, Hugh, and tip us off. Why didn’t somebody beat them, then?

***

  "I don’t have to read the Wake, but I like to." --Johnny Evers.

 

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