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5 June 1913

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BY R. W. LARDNER
.
PRIZE OFFER.

  The Wake, with the consent of the national commission and the A. A. U., hereby announces that, at the end of the present baseball season, it will reward two major league players, one in the National league and one in the American, who, in the opinion of a special jury of newspaper men, have done the least for their respective teams.  The National league player will be given a Chance day button, provided the son and heir doesn’t swallow it before the appointed time.   The American league player will get a letter of introduction to Harry Ford, assistant general manager of an automobile concern. The following are asked to serve on the jury:  Dav., Bill Forman, M. MacLean, G. Phair, and J. P. McEvoy.  In case of a tie, the Wake will cast the deciding vote.  The players’ conduct on and off the field and at table will be considered in making the awards.

***

  While the Braves are in town, why not trade Hub Perdue and George Tyler to Chicago?

***

  Since Yale’s shell lost its fin, we have no idea how to bet.

***

  Washington won the first game of the St. Louis series without resorting to unfair tactics--i.e.: Walter Johnson.

***

BOOSTING BODIE.

  "Bodie was put in left and Mattick in center. Left field is flanked by an incline and the scoreboard, making it a short field, so that a boot is comparatively inexpensive." --Sox Sydelights.

***

ONE VERSE.

  It is a youngster, Peckinpaugh,
  And he stoppeth one of three.
  "By the stars above," said Frank Leroy,
  "Who wished you onto me?"

***

Ad Wolgast has a good chance to win from Red Watson on June 20 if Ad isn’t killed by Johnny Dundee on June 10.

***

  The A. A. umpires must be learned guys if they know when Jimmy Block’s using abusive language.  We always considered it unintelligible.

***

  Edmond Perreyon, javing risen to a height of 16,368 feet, claims a world’s record.  We challenge him in behalf of Edward Reulbach.

***

  Sweeney and Wolter were booed from the stands for their poor work and Fred Clarke booed Booe from the game to make room for Artie Hofman.

***

  Perhaps Leon Ames, whom we always considered better than he was credited with being, is at last going to justify our sublime faith in him.

***

  We’d hate to have Eddie Ainsmith throw dirt or anything else at us.

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  A dispatch from the east calls Weston and Ennis old rivals, which, in the opinion of some, is a very mild name for them.

***

HELP!

  A blush of deep, degrading shame
  Suffused the Brooklyn catchers’ faces.
  Against them in a single game
  John Kling had stolen two large bases.

***

  Yes, and Mr. Falkenberg is likely to win ten more in a row if Manager Birmingham continues to yank him at the proper time.

***

  What chance is there to beat the British team?  Even its ponies kick goals.

***

SUMMER HAS CAME
[BY LARRY McLEAN]

  June’s sun shines warm and cheery.
  Hail, beer! Farewell to booze!
  Come, darn my stockings, dearie,
  It’s time to wear low shoes.

  __

  Note--This is Mr. McLean’s last contribution.

***

  The Chicago Feds were taken to Dwight by Keeley. There’s nothing to add.

***

  The famous dry battery, Salles and McLean, failed to shock the Giants.

 

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